What Does Courage Look Like | Trish Nelson

[Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] my name is Trish Nelson and I have been in the service industry I've wrote all this down I've worked long sides some of the greatest innovators of this whole profession I started when I was 14 I'm a loyalist began and never looked back and helping these various people build their empires I have donated tiny slivers of my sanity and my soul which I'm sure you can relate to restaurants they're composed of a group of highly skilled misfits and when we're brought together in the right formation we can accomplish enormous feats the physical and the emotional heat of the industry especially the heat in the kitchen it's not for the faint of heart the adrenaline that kicks in when you are finding yourself in the weeds or the exhilaration that runs through your body when you accomplish the impossible and that release that you experienced after a grueling 12 - I don't know 20 hour shifts finally sitting down with your comrades that you've been in the trenches with having a beer it is indescribable and if you're not a part of the industry you just don't get it these friendships are for life these bonds are unbreakable one of the things that I really love about us is that we pretty much we accept everybody so you've ruined it for me one of the things that I do love about us is that we do accept everybody and if from the point of saying like you're just you got out of prison come on join us not from this country great hop aboard welcome you feel like you don't have any skills well it's gonna take years but here's an onion and go figure out how to chop it we apart we are a part of this wild and this unmonitored industry and we're building our successes using this organized chaos and a little pinch of lawlessness which I personally like we are the counterculture and we find each other within the cracks of society and the main requirement for us is we just have to have a skin that says thick as the superheroes that saying that if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen that's been branded into all of our flesh and this is the chaos that defines us this is the chaos that is kitchen culture all of these elements that are mixed with an unwavering emotional tolerance have been the ingredients that we've used help to maintain the engine of this industry as a people we are not well-heeled obviously we are a part of the working class and because of this class divided up until recently no one has ever really cared or questioned our survival methods they've just kind of left us alone to survive which brings us to the other side of kitchen culture things that are completely normal to us they sound absolutely effing insane to anybody who is not a part of this industry behind the scenes of a restaurant it can be intensely passionate and chaotic I once heard that you can tell how good a chef is by the amount of scars that they have on their forearms but what you don't see are the scars that are psychologically embedded within their souls as I look out into this forum I know that you kind of know what I'm talking about sometimes you have been so verbally or physically bullied and abused by your teammates or your chefs that it has been irreparably soul-crushing possibly in the middle of one of these tirades you have witnessed somebody completely lose their minds and toss all your hard work in the trash maybe you've been spit at called stupid or incompetence or had some of their barrage a profanity-laced character insults hurled at you maybe you've had scalding hot food thrown in your direction which is always fun or you've experienced other forms of harassment or the violence from not only your superiors but your teammates who are supposed to be your family these endless cycles of abuse have allowed have been allowed to continue on for decades it has been carelessly labeled as Kitchen culture and what you have done during these moments I mean really what have you done like you've felt humiliated how did you respond I mean I think like many of us you probably stayed silenced this is kitchen culture it's the way that it is it's the way it always has been this is our norm when chef berated you or demoralized you told you to quit told you you were worthless potentially what did you do I'm gonna guess that you barreled down you said yes chef and you've continued on with the task at hand it's just the way it is it's the way that it's always been this is kitchen culture so this year there's been this massive global expose that has kind of begun to look at the underbelly of some of these less than desirable traits that are a part of our industry I think I think we have to take a long look at the methods that we've used in the bullying and the tactics this is an unmonitored industry we have accepted these abusive behaviors as normal why have we chosen to stay silent so long what's wrong with us well I think I know it's because this is really damn hard to talk about it's been much easier to turn our heads and to ignore the elephant in the room dealing with the ugliness that stems from Kitchen culture has always been a part of the job and we've just been finding the vocabulary recently to truly crack this open and have these necessary discussions that have led to the dismantling and the reconstruction of our entire foundation these conversations are necessary and they will bring forth this long overdue change moving us forward as an industry violence abuse sexual harassment racism sexism misogyny these are the triggering topics that we need to finally address in order for us to reform our culture and it ain't going to be easy we were basically we're starting a new discussion and we have to be forgiving of each other for mistakes that have been made along the way we have to be empathetic because this is nothing but awkwardness and discomfort as we reluctantly and painfully stumble together into this dark and uncharted territory as we truly evaluate these issues that plague our industry the term kitchen culture enters into the conversation as being the very root of this global problem patient zero if you will the sexism and sexual harassment that runs rampant throughout our establishments are not alone issues they're not standalone issues they are directly their symptoms they're created by the toxicity that we have provided and that nourishes other matters of contention such as toxic masculinity and a rape culture and that's a whole nother discussion that we don't have time for today but those things are still associated with Kitchen culture the end result is this unbridled poison that has been injected into our most beloved establishments spreading like a disease among a malignant tumor infecting and destroying these institutions that we love starting from the very top and fingering their way outwards trickling down mutating until it is permeated every single cell within the bricks that build this industries foundation there's no way around it this years sucked it's been so painful for so many of us as we've stood by and we have watched our heroes fall from grace some of these leaders were our Mentors some of them were our friends those of us who worked alongside of these people witnessed firsthand the events that led to their demise and the knowledge that has been gained from observing their mistakes I think is for all of us to take note of as we strive to make a better choice for both ourselves and for this industry it is important that we stop this repetition of these abusive cycles sometimes you just have to get rid of the outdated broken systems and archaic methods in order to implement new and improved structures luckily as we maneuver forward through this transition and we're all going to be able to carry this knowledge the knowledge from the past what we knew it was like what isn't useful what hasn't worked the mistakes that could have easily been avoided now this saying if you can't take the heat it takes on a whole new meaning if you cannot behave with integrity and you treat your employees with dignity if you can't respect they deserve empathy for the tireless and thankless help that they are giving to you as they build your empires then you got to get out of the kitchen [Applause] [Music] someone asked me the other day what I thought the answer was to changing the landscape of this industry that a lot of people are viewing as being broken and as I look out into all of your faces I know the answer it's you you guys are the answer to this and it all comes down to a word it's choice it's about accountability and they're having the holding each other accountable for the choices that we are making it is about ending our silence and if you hold a leadership position right now on the most basic level you can have the awareness of behavior so we'll help you check your ego and move sorry that I'm glad I brought this because I knew I was gonna need it thank you guys back to ego you just have to become more mindful of your choices and if you have made some mistakes throughout the history as a leader there is still hope for you there's still hope for all of us because all of this comes down to the action of choice and we can and we should be better than this for the love of God we are in the middle of a changing of the guard and what is being asked of you right now is to find your true strength of character and the integrity and internal fortitude to be able to take the heat of this industry without taking it out on everybody else around you within moments of exhaustion and depletion the right choice will be within your grasp the right decision will always be yours to make you are the leaders of this industry please be the leaders that you were meant to become and forge a new path for all of us because we will follow force yourself to have these difficult conversations with one another so that we can overcome these obstacles and find our way forward together this chapter has not yet been written and you are going to be the ones that write it you will implement better ways and you will bring with you all of the knowledge from the past helping our industry redefine what is normal you are going to recreate this entire culture and it's huge it's a huge responsibility but I just know that you guys can do this you're 100% up to this task because it's time to change the archaic landscape and build a better future for all of us it's for those who follow in our footsteps they are depending on us please I'm begging you to make this change a part of your legacy and I wasn't going to add this I'm going off script which is a good thing I am one of the women who came forward to the New York Times into 60 minutes and I know that makes me a controversial figure to some of you because I know that these people were your friends but I want you to know this decision was one of the most difficult ones that I've ever had to make but I had to do it because I couldn't resolve this any longer on my own I needed you and I needed your support